It’s a scary thing when you condition yourself to be who you are not

When the lies you tell yourself become a reality and begin to condition your perception, drawing you away from the person you really are. There are different reasons why people do this to themselves. Most times, I’ve found, is that people do it to protect themselves. They tell themselves that if they think a certain way and behave a certain way, they place themselves in the best position to not feel pain or hurt later down the road. Example: someone’s dream come true would be to marry the love of his/her life. Because they’ve been hurt so many times, they convince themselves that marriage is wrong for them and there is no Mr/Ms Right.

I joke around saying that I have the physical appearance of a teenager but the cynicism of a 60 year old. Somewhere along the line, the latter stopped being a joke. I actually did convince myself of certain things and recent events made me realize that I’m not the person I really am supposed to be. I want to be a hopeful person, someone who looks forward to the future (and the people in it), someone who thinks about the unknown and is fearless. I used to be that very much when I was younger but my naïveté taught me very harsh lessons.

During recent years, I became numb to matters of the heart. And I’ve recently become that way even moreso and it didn’t hit me until the last few days. That’s not really who I am though life has conditioned me to be the exact opposite of my natural self. I convinced myself that if I just shut down, then no one could really hurt me. This spans across all aspects of life, not just the romantic side. What I didn’t realize until recently is that yes, I have protected myself from a certain type of hurt but I have also exposed myself to a complete different form of it. I’m not who I want to be, who I naturally am. Essentially, I am hurting myself rather than others hurting me. So now I am taking steps in figuring out how to get back to my natural self while also protecting pieces of me that only should be shared with those who both treasure and deserve them.

And that’s me adulting right now. There’s no way around it. That’s life and that’s growing up and wanting to continue on this crazy path, trying to figure out where the adventure will lead you. Being this old does also have pros. I did have a red velvet cupcake for dinner last night. So there’s that.

What cause do you stand for?

We all have a part to play in this world. Some choose to play a positive role, some choose negative, and some prefer to be indifferent. That will always be the case so long as we have free will. To those who want to make this world a better place, I thank you. We all come from different backgrounds, and we all have had different events, experiences, and people affect us. It is an amazing thing that no two people are exactly alike in every way. There is always something that separates us, something that makes us unique, and we should embrace that. Our differences should be things we learn and grow from, not fight and bicker about constantly.

Technology and social media has allowed us to spread our beliefs and opinion across the world in a matter of seconds. In minutes, thousands can rally to a cause and provide much needed support for those in need or bring awareness to an issue that’s been swept under a rug too long.

What is painful to see are the people who rally and target others who do not share the same level of drive and passion as they do. “You don’t care about this cause? You’re heartless and you’re a horrible person” is the general concept. Just because someone doesn’t pour their entire being into something you believe, it doesn’t make them a bad person.

You support a cause that fights to get rid of domestic violence? That’s great and your efforts should be commended. And what about the person who is pouring the same amount of effort into a cause that’s directed at stopping pollution that is killing our food and water supply? Or the person that fights for gay rights? Or the person who wants to see a world where animals are no longer abused and left for dead? What about the person who hopes to see a cancer free world? And the person who wants a better education for the future generations? Or how about those who never want children to go hungry? And what of the person who does all he/she can to support our troops?  ALL of these causes have one thing in common: to make the world a better place.

Each of us will gravitate toward certain causes based upon our own life experiences. Personally, I want to see every dog in a happy home, a place where they don’t have to fear being left behind or tortured or beaten. I want families who have children diagnosed with terminal illness to be able to afford treatment. I want men to stop beating the women in their lives. I want bullies to be held responsible for the treatment they have bestowed upon others. I want misogyny to stop. I want women to be fearless when chasing their dreams. I want people who have suicidal thoughts to know they are not alone. I want my gay friends to be just as happy as anyone else.

Is a cause you stand for not in my personal list? Do you believe I am a bad person for not sharing your passion? Just because I may not have the same drive for something as you do, it doesn’t mean we both cannot work together to improve the state of our world. More than anything, I want people to have empathy. I want someone to be able to step back, look at my list, and apply some thought as to why these items are important to me. You may learn something, not just about me, but possibly of yourself as well.

Everyone has something they want to fight for. It is impossible to devote all of one’s energy and life to everything in this world that needs improvement. Exert your energy to the cause you want to see become a reality. No one fight is better than the other when the goal is the same. We may be on different teams, but we have the same dream. Let’s make this world a better place than when we first arrived, shall we?