Paladins. I Don’t Necessarily Mean the D&D Ones.

I’ve had quite a few of these conversations lately, and that has lead to me writing about this topic. Everyone has a rock, someone they lean on for strength, support, and encouragement. We all have one or two, and in truth, it’s healthy to be able to vent to someone who is wiling to listen to you and not pass any judgement.

What isn’t healthy is if that is the only types of interactions we have with these specific people. There should be a healthy balance in any type of relationship, but once it becomes incredibly one-sided, it starts becoming toxic. People who are rocks are essentially paladins. They are altruistic, empathetic, and selfless to the point where they won’t openly admit when they themselves are crumbling because they don’t want to show the people who rely on them that they can no longer be supportive. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard “it’s nice being able to talk to someone because I’m usually the one people come to.”

Imagine being the journal, the ear, the foundation to multiple people who are struggling for various reasons. Now imagine instinctively carrying that weight in your mind and heart even though the conversation ended with “thanks for listening.” Paladins don’t shake those conversations, those worries or those burdens off.  Paladins accept these as their own because they feel it’s their way of contributing to life, to the world, and to their loved ones. It becomes part of them; that’s part of being empathetic.

And as much as paladins don’t want to admit it, even they struggle as well. They have their own share of misfortune at times just like everyone else, but they don’t like to tell others about it because they understand what that weight can do to someone. It’s a vicious one-way street for them more than it is a cycle.  They want to remain and appear strong for those who rely on them, and they will only break down behind closed doors.

Why am I writing this? I want people to have an understanding of the paladins in their lives. This isn’t to make them feel guilty about venting to their pillars of support, far from, but this is more to help them understand that those pillars are people too. Allow them to recharge. Understand that they also need time away from the crazy of the world. No matter how much they hold things together, sometimes, they need to step back and take a breather. One of their flaws is that they won’t ask for this break because they believe that they have to be helpful 24/7. I write this for those who  may find themselves all of a sudden wondering why their rock may disappear for a while. I write this for those who may even be angered when one of their friends goes dark for a bit. I write this for those who may only come to their paladins when they need them. I write this for those who may be paladins themselves. There is no one reason I’m writing down these thoughts, but the overall intention is understanding.

It is possible that some people will read this and spin negativity out of it. They may assume that I am writing this to make people who have troubles feel guilty about talking to their friends about their issues and problems. I am not. And that is an entirely different topic of discussion. I am writing this post to shed some light on a perspective that isn’t always thought about. I will throw in, however, that if you are only coming to shed troubles and leave, I won’t back down from saying that treating paladins like that isn’t healthy and it is unfair. People may assume that I speak for everyone on both sides, but I do not. As with all of my posts, I speak for myself and my own experiences. People can feel however they want with my posts, but it is no secret that my intention is to help, not damage.

Bottom line is whatever situation you may be involved in currently, if you have a paladin in your life to help you along, I’m glad for that. As I wrote earlier, it’s healthy to be able to share your troubles with trusted friends. I think you can agree that we need more people like them in the world. I am only asking that you remember that while paladins seem unbreakable, they are human.

Blood related or not, a mother’s love is a mother’s love

When I was much younger, I always thought your mother was someone who strictly gave birth to you, and that’s it. I believed that no one else who could be your mother; the idea of a mother figure was nonexistent. I am blessed to have my birth mother in my life, and she’s still here to this day. We don’t always see eye to eye on certain things, and we do argue, but she’s always done what she felt was best for me and my little brother. She put us first before her own needs and she fought for us when she felt we were wronged. My mother has always done her best to provide for us and even when life threw us curveballs, she adapted and didn’t let anyone push her or us around. She’s quite a strong woman. Tiny, but strong. And she’s the best.

As I wrote, I am lucky to still have my mother in my life. As a kid, I never imagined my life without her. I never once considered what it would be like to look up to another woman as a mother. That concept just didn’t exist for me. It wasn’t until I played FFVI, that I realized a familial bond could exist between a child and a woman who is not his/her biological mother. I love FFVI for many reasons, mostly because all the characters were captivating, the villain actually succeeded in destroying the world, and the female characters were pretty badass. Terra Branford remains one of my favorite video game characters of all time. Terra is the first playable character in FFVI, and her story begins with her feeling lost, used and fearful of the world around her. Her memory was wiped, and she had to learn to trust people again. She began as a shell of a person but blossomed beautiful by the end of the game. Throughout the story, she begins to find herself, finds her purpose in life. It isn’t until she becomes a guardian for several orphaned children that she comes to terms with who she is and what she wants to fight for.

It was one of the most touching scenes I experienced in a video game. And it made me realize that there are many women out there who look after the people in their lives whether blood related or not. Who knew that I could learn such an important lesson from a video game? So to all the women out there who are actual mothers, mother figures, or play a similar mother hen role, I wish you a happy mother’s day. May you feel that you are always cherished, treasured, and loved by those you look after every day of your life. Thank you for your love, for your strength, for your wisdom and your patience.

Never forget that you make the world a better place.

Happy mother’s day!

Did I ever tell you about my first family dog?

While I am waiting for my flight to PAX South, I can take some time to tell you about my first dog, BJ. He was our first family dog and my parents got him while I was very young (I was maybe one or two years old). BJ, at the time, didn’t have a name. My parents told me one day we were out for a walk, and I was being pushed in a stroller. A stray dog came at me, and BJ chased him off. So my dad named him Baldijac. Baldi means protector and Jac was just my name shortened. Hence, BJ.

I don’t have many memories of him as he was an outside dog. But fast forward almost thirty years, and all of our dogs are rescues and adopted. Progress. One of these days, I will adopt another Beagle and I will make sure he/she will never live outside. I’m thinking of naming him/her, Bagel. Hee hee.

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Nerdy and Geeky 2014 Valentine’s Day poems as requested by you!

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Hello everyone! I had a blast writing these short poems for all of you, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for participating in my request for Valentine’s Day poetry suggestions! I took to Twitter and tweeted all of the poems but as I know many of you were busy during the corporate holiday, I’ve compiled all of them here for your viewing pleasure. I hope you all had a wonderful Friday and I hope you will partake in this little tradition next year! As an added treat for those new to the tradition, I added the 2013 poems toward the end! Hugs all around!

Vday 2014

Commander Shepard from Mass Effect

I can’t give you rings

Or a wedding with bells

But you’re my favorite person

On the citadel

Edward Kenway from AC4

I’ve traveled across the seas

In piracy, played my part

But what I did not expect

Was for you to steal my heart

Booker from Bioshock Infinite

Massacres, debts, portals..

My memories are skewed

But so long as you’re here

My worries are few

Cross parody Twitter account of Archer and Commander Shepard

You saved the galaxy

With guns a blazing

So get in my mouth (Bloody Mary)

Haaaaaa, PHRASING

RWBY created by Monty Oum

Ladies of RWBY!

We don’t care about dust

But having you in our lives

Is always a must

Poem to TellTale Games

Thanks to you & zombies

I have mental issues

because of your fine writing

I need more damn tissues.

From the Fallout Lonestar team to the community

Through mutants and Raiders

Famine and desert sand

This vday note will get to you

come hell or the Wasteland

Garrus Vakarian from Mass Effect

Saving earth, tango dancing

You have amazing abilities

But for Vday, I have other ideas

starting w/ reach & flexibility.

Kefka from FFVI

Espers in my grasp

Oh, my precious little toys

Do not fret, you’ll be with me

When the world is destroyed

To Team Behemoth

Your games are so cute

So refreshing and clever

Blue knight is my hero &

you’re the best chicken ever

Vaas from Farcry 3

I try and try again

but romance is a calamity

my loves die quite literally

Do you know the definition of insanity?

Hawke from Dragon Age 2

From Hightown to Darktown

You are adored by all

Sending blessings & love

To my champion of Kirkwall.

Fallout (General)

Wasteland adventures with you

I’ve known from the start

I’d give up my Pip Boy for you

Have I lockpicked your heart?

Link from Legend of Zelda

The princess needs a hero

Hyrule, a Triforce

But I only need one thing

And that’s you, of course!

Alistair from Dragon Age Origins

I found something for you

A gift…I suppose

It complements your beauty

This perfect little rose

Rikku from FFX

I fear for us and Yunie

as we battle against Sin

But with you next to me

I know we shall win

Loki from Thor

Choose me over my brother?

You see not a monster damned?

I know not how, yet you do

accept me as I am

Rinoa from FFVIII

Grateful for SeeD but

The final battle is soon

Join me again, won’t you

for a waltz on the moon?

2013 Valentine’s Day Poems

Valentine’s Day: A day to love others but most importantly yourself

Courtesy of Bioware/EA's Dragon Age franchise

Courtesy of Bioware/EA’s Dragon Age franchise

It’s the time of year again when my timelines on Twitter, Facebook and other various public forums are saturated in Valentine’s Day e-cards, posts, and jokes (some funny, some sarcastic). Most of these posts are entertaining and bring a smile to my face, but there are some I’ve read that really have me concerned. I have friends that are in relationships and others who are not. Some people I know are genuinely sad about not being able to spend this “holiday” with someone. I am generally empathetic and sympathetic when people I care about are sad about X situation, but Vday is one of the few times out of the year that I express some tough love.

YOU WILL BE FINE. Why allow the poison of “all I see is happiness around me and because I don’t have that happiness, I will be bitter and jaded” into your heart? I write this as a friend because I do care about your sadness, and I know how you feel. But trust me, if you don’t love yourself, you will still be miserable on this holiday even if you are with someone. So what if you don’t have someone that will give you flowers or chocolates or a signed card? You know what? TREAT YOURSELF THEN. Go out and get what you want. When was the last time you spoiled yourself? You may have been paying attention to everyone else but you, so curb that behavior and take care of yourself.

When your confidence in yourself builds up, others will take notice. It makes you more attractive, more approachable, and better yet, you feel good about being you. It’s not a bad thing to place your happiness in someone else’s hands every so often, but only you can make yourself truly happy. Once you have yourself figured out, everything else falls into place. Please do not use this holiday as a reason to settle for someone that is not compatible for you. I do not ever want you to think “I don’t want to be alone on this day, so this person will do.” Get over that because YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT, and that person deserves better too. If you truly want to date someone, both of you deserve 100%. Anything less, and you will fail.

Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be a standard you hold for your potential partner either. Yes, it’s nice to have the candy, the nice dinner, the… whatever these romantic couples do nowadays (I’m so out of the loop)… but it’s how your partner treats you the rest of the year that matters more. Your partner should love you, respect you and make you feel good about yourself every day. Find someone that makes you want to be a better person, someone that challenges you, someone that can make you smile over the phone. THAT kind of bond is worth more than all the candied hearts and teddy bears in the world. When you focus on that (if you are indeed searching for a partner) then Valentine’s Day is just another day on the calendar.

To those who are spending the day with a special someone, I wish you long lasting happiness! To those who are not, one day you will look back on your past self and think “why did I ever feel this way? I’m totally awesome now!” and I wish you more days of feelings such a way.

So happy red corporate leeching love day, and here’s a bunch of virtual hugs for all of my internet friends.

LOVE THYSELF, YOU SEXY BEASTS, YOU.

Image by Deviant Artist planb23

Image by Deviant Artist planb23

Video game character poems for Valentine’s Day!

It is the month of LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! And I understand that some of us may be spending that special day with that special someone and others may be enjoying just another day of February. Last year, I decided to have some fun with the corporate holiday and I created poems on Twitter for people that wanted to express their V-day love for their favorite video game characters. I intend on doing more this year. If you want me to create a short ABCB for you, please comment here or let me know on Twitter! Here’s what I came up with last year.

Hawke from Dragone Age 2:

My love for you is red,

the steel I carry is blue,

I’ll be your Champion forever…

Want a sandwich?

Fenris from Dragon Age 2:

Hatred of magic burns red

Lyrium in veins is blue

I hate those damn apostates

But I’ll make an exception for you ❤

Anders from Dragon Age 2:

I’d see all Templars dead

Our fight is strong and true

Because someone like me

Could love someone like you

Garrus from Mass Effect:

Either on the Citadel

Or as a shining star

Whatever happens to me

I’ll see you at that bar

Caboose from Red vs Blue:

Sarge is red

Look, I’m blue!

Muffins are good

Sheila I made one- Touch.

Master Chief from Halo:

The war zone is red

We fight for days anew

I’ll do anything for peace

Even take my helmet off for you

Link from Zelda:

Rubies are red

Sapphires are blue

Hyrule, the Triforce or love?

I’ll always choose you

Legion from Mass Effect:

We may not be with you

But stray not from your goal

My thanks, Shepard Commander

For I now have a soul

Grunt from Mass Effect:

IN HONOR OF THE FALLEN

AND THE MANY THAT DIED,

THOSE REAPERS WILL FALL

SINCE YOU’RE BY MY SIDE. *WARCRY

Leliana from Dragon Age:

I’ll sing for you forever

If that is what you desire

but come, it’s warmer in my tent

Than it is by the fire

Varric from Dragon Age 2:

Enough drink for me.

Oh, I can beat you at your game!

But I’ve a maiden awaiting me,

Bianca is her name

Chrono Trigger:

Saving the world across times,

we make a fantastic pair.

Won’t you join me, fair princess

at The Millenial Fair?

Cortana from Halo:

Lacking human form

I cannot touch or feel

A.I form be damned

I know this love is real.

Zevran from Dragon Age:

What if Isabela joins us?

She is a fantastic lead!

Ouch, I am joking!

You are all the warden I need ❤

Isabela from Dragon Age 2:

A captain without a ship

I suppose it is fate

At sea I wouldn’t have found

my charming first mate.

Wesker from Resident Evil:

Red wine, candled dinner

Relax. Unhinge.

Heard of Uroburos?

Oh, don’t mind the syringe..>=]

Sebastian from Dragon Age 2:

Vengeance has blinded

but Andraste made me see

War’s victory means nothing

If you are not with me

Sten from Dragon Age:

Your ways are strange

I’ve the Qun, and you your creed

But when I go to battle

You and Asala are all I need

Samus from Metroid:

Bounty hunters don’t love.

But if you fill that void,

will you be here forever

for me and little Metroid?

Haytham Kenway from Assassin’s Creed 3:

For you Ill set aside my mission

I’ll resist the Templars’ call

Based on one condition

Mind the tricorn hat is all 😉

Allistair from Dragon Age:

Of all our companions,

It’s you I enjoy most

I thank the Maker daily,

that I’m your lamp post.

There you have the 2013 Valentine’s Day poems. So let me know what you all want to see!

‘Twas the night before Christmas when I started to write…

‘Twas the night before Christmas when I started to write

What would I jot down?  Many nails did I bite.

And then it hit me, so I began to type

Hurriedly, quickly, the ideas were still ripe.

 

Here, let me tell you of my adventure so far

The start of the year was less than sub par.

For I was broken, but not of bone mind you

My heart was in pieces, blackened and blue.

 

I was hurt but not lost; I trudged on ahead.

I was down but not out, I was far from dead.

Over few months time, I could smile once more.

May opened up my first happiness door.

 

Hosting RT Vegas was a dream of mine

Rooster Teeth Vegas fans, ‘twas our time to shine.

Thank you Dane, Daniel, Dustin, Michael and Nick

You guys are so awesome, my very top pick!

 

And extending my thanks to the very group

that threw our party for such a huge loop!

What group you ask? Why it’s the B Team!

It took much willpower not to fangirl and scream

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But my thanks for Rooster Teeth ends not in May.

July 5th is marked as such a special day.

I’m an RTX Guardian, hip hip, hooray!

My happiness level is more than I can say!

 

I was a noob but paired with a great crew.

Surrounded by friends some old and some new

Thank you so much to our leading lady

We couldn’t have done it without you, Caiti!

 

A fantastic con, my words are at a loss

Demarais, my fav Hobbit, you’re such a cool boss!

Such great memories I will cherish forever

My love for these people will never be severed.

 

Parts of 2013 had also brought tears.

Two friends were taken, too early in their years

Always remembered, their legacies live on

Through those they are still here, never truly gone.

 

What to learn from this, answers there are many

I say cherish loved ones, more than dimes and pennies.

Mike and Knuckles you are thought of every day

You both are missed, so much more than I can say

 

And then in August, my dad became dog sitter

For I was off to DragonCon thanks to friends from Twitter.

A weekend full of panels, drinking and more

So many cosplays I saw were seriously hardcore!

 

I could not believe how happy I felt.

I met new friends, they made my heart melt.

Dauna, Emma, Kelly, Eric, Kathleen,

DA2 cosplay group, best cosplays I’ve seen

 

Karissa, Liz, Miranda and Scott,

Best roomies ever for the con ticket I bought.

Tymber, Adriaan, Amanda, Eric, Susanne…

HUGS ALL THE FACES, as many as I can

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Aaryn, Aidan, Dave, Bioware men I adore

Team Fangirls sends kisses, hugs and more! (as in love ya pervs =P)

I drank with Steve Jaros and Chris Avellone

Leading men in the industry, mind = blown

 

And to my leather making friends Misty and Lance

Heart your faces for giving cosplay a chance.

Dragon Age Tallis debuted at this con.

Be proud you guys, many hearts it has won.

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And as it does annually, my birthday was here

This one was special, the best in many years.

So grateful for all who came to celebrate

Shots, bull riding, beer pong… God it was late!

 

Looking back on everything, I couldn’t believe

How I started the year in sadness and grief.

But how that has changed because of family and friends,

I want to hug all your faces, my lovely godsends.

 

Shortly after I found myself in a pinch!

Surely this would make me a Grinch!

I lost my job, but I held my head high.

Company merge be damned, I refused to cry.

 

I feel liberated so it’s a blessing in disguise.

Seriously, don’t feel bad for me guys.

I’m keeping busy, finally raising life’s bar

A writing project called Fallout Lonestar!

 

Many doors will fly open, at least… I hope.

Writing is medicinal for it is how I cope.

But life is a mystery, destination unseen

You continue being better than you have ever been.

 

And now here we are on Christmas Day

I want to tell you one more thing, if I may.

My dad has worked for the last twenty plus years

Through this day but now we’ve switched gears!

 

He has the day off and now we can spend

The holiday as a whole family again!

So comes an end of my twenty thirteen tale.

It was full of win and of some fail.

 

How you spend today, I wish you this

May your holiday season be full of joy and bliss,

So to you my loves, I raise my beer

I say Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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I know it’s not beer… work with me here…