‘Twas the night before Christmas when I started to write…

‘Twas the night before Christmas when I started to write

What would I jot down?  Many nails did I bite.

And then it hit me, so I began to type

Hurriedly, quickly, the ideas were still ripe.

 

Here, let me tell you of my adventure so far

The start of the year was less than sub par.

For I was broken, but not of bone mind you

My heart was in pieces, blackened and blue.

 

I was hurt but not lost; I trudged on ahead.

I was down but not out, I was far from dead.

Over few months time, I could smile once more.

May opened up my first happiness door.

 

Hosting RT Vegas was a dream of mine

Rooster Teeth Vegas fans, ‘twas our time to shine.

Thank you Dane, Daniel, Dustin, Michael and Nick

You guys are so awesome, my very top pick!

 

And extending my thanks to the very group

that threw our party for such a huge loop!

What group you ask? Why it’s the B Team!

It took much willpower not to fangirl and scream

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But my thanks for Rooster Teeth ends not in May.

July 5th is marked as such a special day.

I’m an RTX Guardian, hip hip, hooray!

My happiness level is more than I can say!

 

I was a noob but paired with a great crew.

Surrounded by friends some old and some new

Thank you so much to our leading lady

We couldn’t have done it without you, Caiti!

 

A fantastic con, my words are at a loss

Demarais, my fav Hobbit, you’re such a cool boss!

Such great memories I will cherish forever

My love for these people will never be severed.

 

Parts of 2013 had also brought tears.

Two friends were taken, too early in their years

Always remembered, their legacies live on

Through those they are still here, never truly gone.

 

What to learn from this, answers there are many

I say cherish loved ones, more than dimes and pennies.

Mike and Knuckles you are thought of every day

You both are missed, so much more than I can say

 

And then in August, my dad became dog sitter

For I was off to DragonCon thanks to friends from Twitter.

A weekend full of panels, drinking and more

So many cosplays I saw were seriously hardcore!

 

I could not believe how happy I felt.

I met new friends, they made my heart melt.

Dauna, Emma, Kelly, Eric, Kathleen,

DA2 cosplay group, best cosplays I’ve seen

 

Karissa, Liz, Miranda and Scott,

Best roomies ever for the con ticket I bought.

Tymber, Adriaan, Amanda, Eric, Susanne…

HUGS ALL THE FACES, as many as I can

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Aaryn, Aidan, Dave, Bioware men I adore

Team Fangirls sends kisses, hugs and more! (as in love ya pervs =P)

I drank with Steve Jaros and Chris Avellone

Leading men in the industry, mind = blown

 

And to my leather making friends Misty and Lance

Heart your faces for giving cosplay a chance.

Dragon Age Tallis debuted at this con.

Be proud you guys, many hearts it has won.

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And as it does annually, my birthday was here

This one was special, the best in many years.

So grateful for all who came to celebrate

Shots, bull riding, beer pong… God it was late!

 

Looking back on everything, I couldn’t believe

How I started the year in sadness and grief.

But how that has changed because of family and friends,

I want to hug all your faces, my lovely godsends.

 

Shortly after I found myself in a pinch!

Surely this would make me a Grinch!

I lost my job, but I held my head high.

Company merge be damned, I refused to cry.

 

I feel liberated so it’s a blessing in disguise.

Seriously, don’t feel bad for me guys.

I’m keeping busy, finally raising life’s bar

A writing project called Fallout Lonestar!

 

Many doors will fly open, at least… I hope.

Writing is medicinal for it is how I cope.

But life is a mystery, destination unseen

You continue being better than you have ever been.

 

And now here we are on Christmas Day

I want to tell you one more thing, if I may.

My dad has worked for the last twenty plus years

Through this day but now we’ve switched gears!

 

He has the day off and now we can spend

The holiday as a whole family again!

So comes an end of my twenty thirteen tale.

It was full of win and of some fail.

 

How you spend today, I wish you this

May your holiday season be full of joy and bliss,

So to you my loves, I raise my beer

I say Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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I know it’s not beer… work with me here…

Allow me to tell you about my Rooster Teeth family

Over the years, the Rooster Teeth “community” slowly evolved to Rooster Teeth “family” and this past weekend affirmed my belief. I was fortunate enough to attend the annual Child’s Play dinner and auction in Bellevue, WA. I spent months going to the gym, trying my best to fit into a dress that wouldn’t zip up all the way years ago.  Two days before the dinner, I tried the dress on and you can imagine my victory shout when I realized the dress fit me comfortably. I was also being hosted by the lovely community members SailorTweek and SirNarvy. If you are unfamiliar with these two, they were the head Guardians of Rooster Teeth’s annual convention two years in a row and they are absolutely wonderful people.

I was so excited to attend the Child’s Play dinner with my friends because you see, we are from all over the place. The internet brought us together, and we formed very unique and cherished friendships. I also met up with fellow community members OboeCrazy, Luke McKay, Count3D, RagingTerror, and Trocadero’s leading man, Nico.

I flew in the day of the dinner, got settled and dressed, and we were rocking those dresses and suits shortly after. About two hours into the silent bidding, I told Tweek that I felt very dizzy and hot. It hit me rather quickly, and I remember placing my hand on one of the tables and Tweek asked me if I wanted to sit down. All I remember after that was saying yes. The next thing I know, I’m hearing voices and I’m staring at the ceiling. When logic finally took over, I looked down and realized that I was not in my PJs and I was on the floor in my dress. My next thought was “holy crap, did I hit my head?” but I felt someone’s hand on the back of my head and no pain. A jacket was pushed under my head and we waited until security came.

When I was able to sit up, I was continuously asked if I knew my name and the date and where I was. I answered all the questions correctly, but I was not confident I could stand. The paramedics came and they took my blood pressure and tested my blood sugar. On the upside, all of them were pretty cute. They again asked me a load of questions, one of them being “are you pregnant?” and I just went “HEEEEELLLL NOOOOOO.” They helped me to my feet and tested my blood pressure again, and it dropped to an alarming level. I felt that same dizzy spell hit me again. They gave me two options: leave in an ambulance to go to the hospital or leave with a friend to go to the hospital.

I. Was. Livid. I wasn’t mad at the emergency response team; I was mad because I had been looking forward to this night for months and after the anger passed, I was just heartbroken. I wanted to meet up with so many people and I wanted to take a picture with the DoubleClicks. There was so much I wanted to do. And there was a gorgeous hardcover of The Neverending Story that I wanted. Wasn’t meant to be I suppose. Because I was laid off from my job a couple months ago, I opted to not take an expensive ride in the ambulance even though I always wanted to experience that. SirNarvy left to get the car, and I was wheeled out of the event. Tweek has a picture somewhere, I know she does. I told her to take one while I was flashing a peace sign. In moments like these, I had to find humor wherever I could.

So off to the hospital we go. I told SirNarvy that he could leave me there and go back to the dinner, but he never left. I volunteered to be a Guardian for RTX earlier in the year, so I had the pleasure of working with him and Tweek. I don’t remember the exact wording, but I heard “I have to make sure my soldiers are all right.” For the next couple of hours, I had blood drawn and an EKG done and we ended up talking about various topics. The whole time, he kept open communication with Tweek and she kept texting back that they missed me and they loved me.

After more questions about my health and inquiring once again if I’m pregnant and once again me vehemently responding “HELL NO”, the doctor told me that everything looked fine. And because this was a first time occurrence, my episode could have been a combination of standing for along period of time in heels coupled with the exhaustion of traveling. He discharged me a few minutes later. By now, it was 10:50PM and Child’s Play would end at 11:00PM. I told SirNarvy that we are not missing the last few minutes of Child’s Play because of my stupid body. So he drove us back to the event, and we managed to hang out a bit more with everyone.

When people saw that I was alive and well, I was getting bits and pieces of the story about what happened while I blacked out. After I said I was dizzy, Tweek walked behind me because she saw that I was not capable of standing any longer. She caught me, and asked the guys for help. Nico held my head while SirNarvy bundled his jacket for me. They said I was out for about 15 seconds. I have no recollection of those 15 seconds whatsoever and that scares me to no end. When the EMT guys said I had to go to the hospital, SirNarvy and Count3D both offered to take me, very well knowing that they would miss the dinner.

Guys, I cannot express how incredibly lucky I felt that night. Had that happened while I was alone, I don’t know what would have happened to me. It’s unfortunate, but it couldn’t have happened around better people. I cannot believe that SirNarvy sacrificed his night and stayed with me at the hospital. And I cannot believe how many messages and tweets I received that night from tons of people just checking in on me and sending me positive thoughts.  I can’t believe the friends who were still at the event were that worried about me. These are people that I essentially met on the internet and met up with face to face because of a geeky convention. As time went by, we went from acquaintances to friends, and now from friends to family. I would do the same for them in a heartbeat if they needed me to. It is in that moment, that I found such joy.

This is the Rooster Teeth community at its very core. We all signed up on the site because of funny videos, but what we truly get out of being part of this community is so much more. I am so lucky, so grateful and so thankful. I truly do love you guys with all my heart, and thank you so much for being there for me.

Mr. and Mrs. Tweek, you guys are unmatched in the love you show for your friends and family. I don’t know what I did to deserve your friendship, but I am so happy that I have you both in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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Below photo taken by Dom (Count3D)

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MY HEROS (taken after the hospital visit)

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The next time you believe you have nothing in your life…

I am currently looking for job which means that I am stuck at home for the time being. I can’t complain very much because I get to spend a lot more time on personal projects, plus I get to hang out with my three little dogs. In the past week, I’ve been diligent in taking them to the park. Every day, I came across an old man who pushed around a mini cart and scoured the park for trashcans. Living in this city has taught me to be wary of people regardless of how innocent they may seem. For the first few days, my dogs and I walked on by without so much as a hello. I kept my eye on the man, however, and he would just mind his own business and dig through all the trashcans he could find. He didn’t bother anyone else at the park, never asked for money or food, never really approached anyone.

Today, I saw him moving on to another trashcan and he looked right at me. I assume he’s in his sixties or seventies and he was nothing but skin and bones. I’m around 117 pounds and his arms were tinier that mine. They were dry, completely wrinkled and he moved so slow. Most of his weight was shifted onto the cart he was pushing. I said hi. He didn’t respond. I walked away with my dogs.

I thought about him when I dropped the dogs off at home, and I thought to myself, I’m still in a pretty good place. I set off to the grocery store and purchased a few items. As I was going up and down the aisles thinking what I could buy that wouldn’t spoil as soon as it was opened, I stopped and thought about what I had and he didn’t. I couldn’t get some foods because he didn’t have a fridge; I couldn’t get others because he didn’t have a microwave.

I settled on the following:

Bread, peanut butter and jelly mix (NO IDEA THOSE EXISTED), honey buns, Cheezit crackers, mandarin orange cups, a pack of spoons, and a gallon of water.

It cost me roughly $14.

I went back to the park and searched for the homeless man and I found him about ten minutes later. True to nature, he was reaching into another trashcan. I grabbed the food I bought and slowly approached him. I kept calling out to him, saying hi and hello. He at first didn’t respond. I called out louder and this time he lifted his head and looked behind him. I was directly in front of him, so I’m lead to believe he could have both a hearing and sight issue. When he finally saw me, I waved. “Hi! Do you remember me?” I asked him.

He didn’t speak English. Frack. So ensued a horrible round of charades on my part. “I saw you this morning. Do you remember me?” I asked again. I pointed to the spot where we saw each other and then I placed my palm on my chest. He responded, but I had no idea what he was saying and I didn’t recognize any of the words he was muttering out. I took some hardcore Spanish in 8th grade, trust me, but everything he said to me didn’t register. I showed him the bags and said, “I bought you food. You’re hungry, right?” He said something else. Nothing. I walked around the trashcan and placed the bags next to his feet. I pointed at the food then to him. “This is for you. Take it.” He said a few more things and I shook my head, “I don’t understand.” I again gestured toward the bags of food then lifted my arms like I was giving them to him. “These are for you.” He said “bueno.” THAT I UNDERSTOOD!

There was nothing left to say. I just waved at him again. “So… take care of yourself, ok?” And I went back to my car and drove back home.

I don’t know how long that food will last him, and I have no idea if he has any family that can take care of him. When you stop and just think about everything you have in your life and you compare it to someone who has nothing, to someone that was searching for plastic bottles and scraps of food, an epiphany hits you and you begin to have a newfound appreciation for everything. The fact that you are able to read this on a phone or a computer already says that you have a pretty good life.

Don’t take the people, the things, or the opportunities you have in your life for granted. We are human, so it happens from time to time, but try to train yourself to be grateful for what you have. I sometimes look at the people in my life and I want to say ‘you have it SO good! Why can’t you see that?’ but I hold my tongue. I can only hope that experiences like these serve as a reminder to not let the good people slip through one’s fingers, that having a roof over one’s head is in fact a pretty sweet deal. I may not have a job right now, but I am very wealthy in family, friends, and dogs that care for and love me. New exercise: remind myself of that every day for the rest of my days.