It’s been a while since I posted on here, and I apologize for that. There’s been a lot that’s happened in the last couple of months. I’m amazed by how much has changed in that short amount of time.
- I moved to Austin in November.
- I spent my first holiday season away from family. Like. EVER.
- My cousin passed away right before Christmas
- I got to spend New Years among friends (which is a rare occurrence for me)
- My uncle had a heart attack
- I found that some friends aren’t really friends. Not a bad thing. Just a good revelation.
- For weeks, I felt completely alone and isolated.
- I was kidnapped to PAX South by a bestie
- I rekindled a lot of friendships
- My dad text me that he was proud of me
- My mom text me saying I needed to text her every 2 days so she knows I’m alive
- I found a level of happiness I never thought I could reach
- I’m now prepping for my family to visit so they can see my new home
My uncle passed away about a week and a half ago. Mama Fried Rice went to the memorial service to represent our side of the family. It hit me today how much time I’ve let pass me by because I lost motivation to do a lot of things. I’m pretty sure I watched almost every stand up comedy special on Netflix because I needed to smile and laugh. If that mental stimulation wasn’t there, I was always sad. I sat on my couch a lot, mostly numb and bewildered.
Admittedly, when all this was happening to my family, I had many irrational thoughts. I was worried about my family, and I was worried about them worrying for me. I thought I was being punished for moving away. And I thought I somehow deserved all of this because I was breaking up my family. Again. I know it was irrational. Luckily, I was able to open up to people very close to my heart, so I wasn’t completely alone through this transition.
My Patreon and Twitch streams suffered the last couple months. Although, I gave whatever I made in December’s Patreon funds to my family for Lucille’s funeral and hospital costs, January and February were almost nonexistent. I lost my motivation and my drive to create content. I was just so… gone. But I’m snapping myself out of it, and I’m going to start up again. It’s been in the back of my mind to get my butt in gear, and now I finally feel like stepping up again. I was just knocked down for a few moments.
There has been a huge shift in my life lately, and it’s brought me so much happiness. I actually don’t know what to do with it, but I’m just going to let everything happen naturally and cherish every moment. I have the best people in my life, I truly do. I know that no matter what happens in my life, you guys will always have my back. That is such a fantastic feeling to have, and I am so grateful for all of you. Y’all are my heart.
So thank you. And I love you. ❤
It may be slow coming, but I am back.