A bit of a life update!

It’s been a while since I posted on here, and I apologize for that. There’s been a lot that’s happened in the last couple of months. I’m amazed by how much has changed in that short amount of time.

  • I moved to Austin in November.
  • I spent my first holiday season away from family. Like. EVER.
  • My cousin passed away right before Christmas
  • I got to spend New Years among friends (which is a rare occurrence for me)
  • My uncle had a heart attack
  • I found that some friends aren’t really friends. Not a bad thing. Just a good revelation.
  • For weeks, I felt completely alone and isolated.
  • I was kidnapped to PAX South by a bestie
  • I rekindled a lot of friendships
  • My dad text me that he was proud of me
  • My mom text me saying I needed to text her every 2 days so she knows I’m alive
  • I found a level of happiness I never thought I could reach
  • I’m now prepping for my family to visit so they can see my new home

My uncle passed away about a week and a half ago. Mama Fried Rice went to the memorial service to represent our side of the family. It hit me today how much time I’ve let pass me by because I lost motivation to do a lot of things. I’m pretty sure I watched almost every stand up comedy special on Netflix because I needed to smile and laugh. If that mental stimulation wasn’t there, I was always sad. I sat on my couch a lot, mostly numb and bewildered.

Admittedly, when all this was happening to my family, I had many irrational thoughts. I was worried about my family, and I was worried about them worrying for me. I thought I was being punished for moving away. And I thought I somehow deserved all of this because I was breaking up my family. Again. I know it was irrational. Luckily, I was able to open up to people very close to my heart, so I wasn’t completely alone through this transition.

My Patreon and Twitch streams suffered the last couple months. Although, I gave whatever I made in December’s Patreon funds to my family for Lucille’s funeral and hospital costs, January and February were almost nonexistent. I lost my motivation and my drive to create content. I was just so… gone. But I’m snapping myself out of it, and I’m going to start up again. It’s been in the back of my mind to get my butt in gear, and now I finally feel like stepping up again. I was just knocked down for a few moments.

There has been a huge shift in my life lately, and it’s brought me so much happiness. I actually don’t know what to do with it, but I’m just going to let everything happen naturally and cherish every moment. I have the best people in my life, I truly do. I know that no matter what happens in my life, you guys will always have my back. That is such a fantastic feeling to have, and I am so grateful for all of you. Y’all are my heart.

So thank you. And I love you. ❤

It may be slow coming, but I am back.

There’s No Right Way to Deal With Loss

I haven’t written much on here since I packed up all my belongings and moved to another city. I was excited to document the new chapter in my life, to experience new things, foods, interactions with new people, and figure out my place in my new home. A lot of things have been taking up my time, and I didn’t find much motivation to do some actual writing. I found some. And it has come from the unexpected passing of my cousin, Lucille.

As I grow older, my view on life in general continues to change. I accept things with more ease than I would have been able to in my younger days. And yes, I am relatively young, but I do feel that there has been enough life altering experiences that I have directly and indirectly been a part of, that I am becoming more accepting of the fact that life often times deals you a crappy hand and you either fold or you make the best of it.

I’m 32 years old.

In the grand scheme of life, that’s young. I acknowledge that. What I also acknowledge is that age is just a number and anything can happen. I have loved ones in my life both younger and older who have had to deal with cancer, depression, suicide,… Some of these people are no longer with us. It wasn’t until a friend of mine (close to my age) died unexpectedly a couple years ago that I realized that the circle of life is more like a crazy, jagged structure that has no obvious shape or path. When you understand the basics of life, you come to terms with certain realities. I fully expect to witness the passing of my parents, maybe even my brother. That’s not a morbid thought. That’s based off of the life expectancy of age and gender. I also expect that I will be sending my dogs to the Rainbow Bridge at some point in the next few years. Again, it’s not morbid. I don’t obsess over the ideas, but in the back of my mind, they are there and they are things I have to accept as part of life.

My cousin, Lucille, was not much older than me. I found a letter she had written and sent to me right after my 13th birthday. She was already well into college in another city. She used to babysit me and my brother when we were kids, and I distinctly remember her making us grill cheese sandwiches. Sometimes, we would get them with ham, and whenever I asked, she would cut the ham into a star.

I remember her watching Magic Knight Rayearth with me (I loved that anime), and she even gave us lighted pens that matched the colors of the main characters of the show. I remember her adding a little poem to a notebook I carried with me since 2002, and I remember being super envious of her penmanship. Because she lived in another city, we didn’t see her during the holidays much. Before the next generation of cousins were born, we did a lot of White Elephant events. Lucille sent in one present; I won that present. It was a homemade quilt, and it’s amazing. I still use it to this day.

I remember seeing her when her father remarried (her mother/my aunt had passed years before this) and she asked me what I thought about it. I said “well, there aren’t any fires that have broken out, so I guess she’s okay with it” and Lucille laughed. She had a contagious laugh. It was just wholesome.

I remember her asking me if I thought fairies and elves were real or existed at some point. I’m not sure how I responded, but I know she believed in them at the time she asked me that question. She believed in otherworldly things because there just had to be more to this place.

Fast forward to now. Just last week. We received texts from her sister that Lucille was ill. She had been in the hospital for a few days. I sent her a text saying that I was thinking of her, and I loved her. Even though I hadn’t seen her in many years, the sentiment was still true. I never got a response from her, but I hope that she saw it. Couple days later, we received news that Lucille had passed. I had just gotten to work, and I just cried in my car.

Even while writing this, I feel like crying. And I feel many different emotions. Above all sadness, then comes disbelief, confusion, anger, more sadness, rinse and repeat. All of us mourn in different ways. My mind went all over the place in the last week. I wondered why her, then wondered who was next, then contemplated the fact that it could be me or my brother, then went into thinking I was being punished for moving away from my family, then I went numb. There’s no real logic to your feelings when you’re in mourning, and really there’s no right way to mourn.

I play video games or cook, anything that takes my focus off of the sadness I feel when I think about her. Some people deal with loss by just not talking about it or talking about it all the time. Some use humor to deflect, others find as many things as they can that reminds them of the person who is gone. Some just don’t process it at all and don’t accept it as truth. Some break down. There is no wrong way to mourn. Actually, there is one wrong way. I cannot and will never accept suicide as a means of mourning. I know that if someone were to do that in response to Lucille’s death, she would be pissed and probably hunt down your spirit and kick your ass. Lucille celebrated life. Her very name means light.

This year is the first year of my entire life that I have spent the holidays without my family. I never felt more lonely, but only because I couldn’t be with my parents and my brother during this family tragedy. Luckily, I have friends here and all over the world who have helped me. I know I regurgitated a lot of stuff on Twitter , FB, and IG, but they didn’t mind. They were only supportive. Another way I deal with mourning is continually telling people that I love them. Death not only serves as a catalyst to remember fond memories of those no longer here, but it should also revitalize the relationships that are still present in physical form.

So if you’ve made this far into my blog post, thank you. And I love you. Thank you for being part of my community, and thank you for being with me this long as I remember one kick ass cousin who truly did make this world a little brighter.

If you would like to help the family, Lucille’s brother set up a donation page.

Moving Onto the Next Adventure in My Life

I was going to vlog this, but then eczema decided to visit my face thus I have put away the camera for the time being.

If you’ve been keeping up with me on Twitter, you know that I am moving out of my hometown and going to Austin! This is a really big step for me. I am genuinely scared how this will affect my life. It’s not a negative feeling, but more a feeling of excitement mixed with nerves and uncertainty. For some of you, this may not seem like a big deal, but allow me to elaborate on some key points.

I have never left home. Whether my destination is Austin, Seattle, NC, or somewhere in Cali, my feelings would be the same. I was born and raised in Vegas, and I have never lived anywhere else. Seeing that I am about to enter the years of an inevitable mid-life crisis (half joking), I figured it was time to see what else life had to offer. Yes, moving out of the parents’ home is a form of independence, but I believe taking it a step further is healthy and essential to helping one grow. Does it mean I do not love my family? Course not. Does it mean I will forget my roots? Not at all. What this does mean is that I will be able to continue to grow in ways that my hometown could not provide.

I was born in Vegas, but I never felt like I belonged here.  Even as a kid, I felt out of place. A while ago, my dad admitted to me that when he picked me up from kindergarten class, he felt sad because I was always alone. I didn’t play with the other kids; I just kept to myself and stayed in my own corner. I vaguely remember that. I remember being teased because I thought differently than the rest of the class. It’s a silly memory, but I remember the teacher asking use toothpicks and marshmallows to make squares. I wanted to make a circle. And I wanted to be in the center, so the marshmallow circle could act as a barrier between myself and everyone else.

Years later, I eventually came out of my shell, but that really only meant that I could mask my loneliness and blend into a crowd better. It was hard for me to find a group of people that understood my growing interests. The few friends that I do have are always supportive of me, but even fewer of them really understood why I delved into things like conventions, social media, cosplay, community management, and video games. I could share that love with very few people, so I thought moving to a city where that was naturally abundant would be healthier for me.

I tried different circles, and while I found people who I would be friends with for years on end, I didn’t fit into the overall atmosphere. They weren’t bad environments; they just didn’t match me for one reason or another. Eventually, I realized that maybe I should try living in a different city to see if I could actually find a place that felt like home.

I want to be in a place where I could learn more than what I know. That sounds vain, I know, but I want to learn new skills, and have different experiences than what Vegas can provide. This ties in with the previous point of wanting to be around people who are like-minded. I like to create, collaborate, and be taken under the wing of a well rounded mentor. I like knowledge, but I gravitate to very specific knowledge. The casino industry doesn’t hold my interest as much as the video game/production industry. And while it’s true that you should always obtain knowledge and experience wherever you happen to be, I want to have some control over what specifically will affect my life.

Dating. 

200

I am scared. And that’s not a bad thing. In fact, the more scared I am, the more I want to make the leap into the new chapter. There are certainly a lot of unknowns, and I have no idea how this will work out long term, but I feel that it is certainly worth the risk of letting go of everything I am comfortable with right now. Honestly, I could not say that I lived to the fullest if I just stayed in same place for the entirety of my life.

Whenever I feel frightened to the point of being metaphorically paralyzed, I just think to myself “I don’t know if what I’m doing is the right move, but I know staying is definitely the wrong one.” And I’m good. And I continue on my path in moving forward with my life.

Austin, see you soon. ❤

Asking For Help Is Not a Sign of Weakness

I was always taught that I should be able to take care of myself, that I need to be able to look out for number one because no one else would. In truth, that is not an unfair or unrealistic statement, but I realized that in my years of adulthood, I have a very difficult time asking for assistance when it comes to matters of life and the heart. This mentality somewhat ties into my Paladins write-up about not wanting to be a burden to another person or admitting that you cannot always be the strong one that others look up to.

There is a large portion of my life that is dedicated to connecting with people whether that be through professional or personal connections. I enjoy networking and I find it rewarding when I cross paths with someone who has similar interests as myself. One of the best things about meeting and e-meeting people is that you establish connections all over the world. Even better, you find that many of these people are genuinely good people.

Fun fact: I don’t like bothering people.

Time and time again, I have conversations that goes like this:

Me: Yeah, that part of my life was incredibly rough. I don’t know how I survived that.

Friend: Why didn’t you ask for help???

Me: I didn’t want to bug people with my issues.

Friend: DUDE. Ask for help! Friend help out friends. That’s what we do!

Similar conversations have happened in the past, and I can’t count how many times they’ve occurred. I would say that my reluctance to ask for help is comprised of many feelings and emotions including stubbornness, pride, and fear. The last one is a big one. I   have two fears when it comes to asking people for help. One, I’m scared of being rejected and two, I’m scared that some form of payment is expected at a later time even though this help is being offered to me under the guise of friendship/ the goodness of someone’s heart. There have been many times in my life when accepting help from someone has backfired on me later down the road. It’s essentially “well, I did this for during that time you needed me. Now you owe me.” That is a very scary statement if you think about it.

I’ve learned to shed the poisons out of my life, but a small level of paranoia stays in the back of my mind. In present day, I find myself in a pivotal moment in my life. I know what I want to do, and I know what I need to do, but I have to come to terms with the fact that I cannot do it alone. As much as I want to be the epitome of unwavering strength, I have to think about my life in realistic terms. I have to understand that yes, I am strong, but I don’t have to carry the weight of life and the world on my own every waking moment.

I asked for help. And I’m getting it. And while I’m still scared, I don’t feel nearly as alone as I did. I am reminded that I am loved, and that I have good people in my life. These people understand me, and understand the difficulties and the hardships I am experiencing. I had a good talk with a friend and she told me she believed in me. I was nearly brought to tears because I had felt so much weight lifted off of me. I could literally breathe easier. And she’s not the only one who is willing to stop moments of her life for me. That hit me so hard, and realizing that these people care that much about me made me feel like I can take anything on. How is that weak? It isn’t. It was empowering. Knowing when you need that little extra bit of help, and lowering your guard in order to initiate the request is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it’s a sign of strength. It’s, I suppose, a form of baring yourself and allowing vulnerability for a moment or two.

I am in a very odd cross section in my life, and I don’t know if what I wrote made any sense. I’ve been thrown a lot of obstacles in the past year, and I am finding out more and more about myself and how I want to live my life. Hurdles, epiphanies, heartache, disappointment, and doubt have filled my mind in recent days, but I buckled down and told myself I can push through all of it. I just need a little help.

And I’m getting it.

And I am grateful for it. Forever and always.

Always Open, produced by Rooster Teeth’s Barbara Dunkleman, Just Resonates With Me

Lightning facts:

I’ve been part of the RT community for close to 11 years now

Barbara has been part of that community for longer than that, has now worked for RT for several years, and this is the first show she has ever produced.

The pilot episode for Always Open aired 9/1/16 for FIRST members of RoosterTeeth.com

I phuqing love this show.

And that is not putting down the other shows that RT has produced over the years. I love them as well, and I will do whatever I can to support them. But Always Open speaks to me on many levels. It doesn’t even feel like a show or a podcast. It feels like a genuine conversation that friends are having. Even the camerawork feels more organic. It’s fluid, it keeps your attention, and it catches the more unnoticeable mannerisms you would only normally see if you were part of the actual conversation. I really don’t know how else to explain the technical aspects of Always Open, but there you go. Some of the reasons why this show speaks to me:

1) I like that the feel of the show isn’t “MEN SUCK” or “I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR”. It’s just friends who happen to be women who are talking about whatever the hell they want to talk about. Sure there is some structure as far as answering questions and such, but you don’t feel the stress of needing to address as many questions as possible. The atmosphere is super laid back and fun. Nothing seems forced at all. This show very much reminds me of hanging out with my friends and not having a care in the world.

2) Because the first episode featured an all-female cast, it resonated with me more. That’s just a very natural reaction to have. Ladies, especially women who are good friends, really do talk about this kind of stuff with each other. The stigma that women have to be proper and appropriate all the time goes out the window. These conversations are real conversations. You want to talk about relationships? Bring it. You want to talk about farts? Let’s do it.

3) The diversity. This is so important, especially for today’s audience. Yes, the cast in the first episode is all-female, but my god, the diversity was astounding. You have four women, who are very different from each other in every way. You have a difference of ethnicity, backgrounds, sexual orientation, and walks of life. And they blend beautifully. I cannot praise this aspect of the show enough. IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE ALL OF THIS IN ONE SPOT.

4) Impact on the community and viewers. I think this is a really healthy show in general. There are so many in the community who look up to these lovely ladies, so having their own show is quite empowering. It’s no secret that many see them as role models. Seeing them all in one setting will definitely make a bigger impact and stronger influence for the better. Again, this is not a knock against men or the men of RT, but I think it’s important for young women to see these conversations and understand that they are perfectly normal. It’s okay to joke around with your friends and that it’s possible to find and establish that kind of relationship with another person where you can be yourself and you won’t be judged for it.

Just talking with community members throughout the years at RTX and through the forums, I know there are many people who shrink away from their full potential because they feel they may just not fit “the norm”. I always encourage people to embrace who they are, work to become better people than who they are in present day, and change the world for the better. I want to see people bring their best, and I want to see them grow, and I want them to never forget who they are in the process.

These ladies have done this and continue to do so. I think that’s worth supporting and backing. Cheers, ladies.

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Paladins. I Don’t Necessarily Mean the D&D Ones.

I’ve had quite a few of these conversations lately, and that has lead to me writing about this topic. Everyone has a rock, someone they lean on for strength, support, and encouragement. We all have one or two, and in truth, it’s healthy to be able to vent to someone who is wiling to listen to you and not pass any judgement.

What isn’t healthy is if that is the only types of interactions we have with these specific people. There should be a healthy balance in any type of relationship, but once it becomes incredibly one-sided, it starts becoming toxic. People who are rocks are essentially paladins. They are altruistic, empathetic, and selfless to the point where they won’t openly admit when they themselves are crumbling because they don’t want to show the people who rely on them that they can no longer be supportive. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard “it’s nice being able to talk to someone because I’m usually the one people come to.”

Imagine being the journal, the ear, the foundation to multiple people who are struggling for various reasons. Now imagine instinctively carrying that weight in your mind and heart even though the conversation ended with “thanks for listening.” Paladins don’t shake those conversations, those worries or those burdens off.  Paladins accept these as their own because they feel it’s their way of contributing to life, to the world, and to their loved ones. It becomes part of them; that’s part of being empathetic.

And as much as paladins don’t want to admit it, even they struggle as well. They have their own share of misfortune at times just like everyone else, but they don’t like to tell others about it because they understand what that weight can do to someone. It’s a vicious one-way street for them more than it is a cycle.  They want to remain and appear strong for those who rely on them, and they will only break down behind closed doors.

Why am I writing this? I want people to have an understanding of the paladins in their lives. This isn’t to make them feel guilty about venting to their pillars of support, far from, but this is more to help them understand that those pillars are people too. Allow them to recharge. Understand that they also need time away from the crazy of the world. No matter how much they hold things together, sometimes, they need to step back and take a breather. One of their flaws is that they won’t ask for this break because they believe that they have to be helpful 24/7. I write this for those who  may find themselves all of a sudden wondering why their rock may disappear for a while. I write this for those who may even be angered when one of their friends goes dark for a bit. I write this for those who may only come to their paladins when they need them. I write this for those who may be paladins themselves. There is no one reason I’m writing down these thoughts, but the overall intention is understanding.

It is possible that some people will read this and spin negativity out of it. They may assume that I am writing this to make people who have troubles feel guilty about talking to their friends about their issues and problems. I am not. And that is an entirely different topic of discussion. I am writing this post to shed some light on a perspective that isn’t always thought about. I will throw in, however, that if you are only coming to shed troubles and leave, I won’t back down from saying that treating paladins like that isn’t healthy and it is unfair. People may assume that I speak for everyone on both sides, but I do not. As with all of my posts, I speak for myself and my own experiences. People can feel however they want with my posts, but it is no secret that my intention is to help, not damage.

Bottom line is whatever situation you may be involved in currently, if you have a paladin in your life to help you along, I’m glad for that. As I wrote earlier, it’s healthy to be able to share your troubles with trusted friends. I think you can agree that we need more people like them in the world. I am only asking that you remember that while paladins seem unbreakable, they are human.

My Twitch Community Asks: Why don’t you use a facecam while you stream?

The simple answer is I just like wearing ugly PJs while I play video games.

The complicated answer is a little more in depth than that.

Views: Having a large audience is crucial to a streamer’s success. Just to even be considered to become a partner of Twitch, you need to have a audience in the triple digits range (without assistance from being hosted) and you need to have a full time schedule of streaming 3-4 times a week with those steady numbers.  Another alternative is having a YouTube channel with more than 100K subscribers.

Depending on the game and what day I stream, my viewership can range from 10-25 people in the audience. My largest spike was about 66 while I was playing Dark Souls 3 for the first time. I will never forget that boss fight, nor will I forget the exchanges that happened in chat. I digress.  I will write more about that later. For a small time streamer, those numbers aren’t bad at all. I like testing the waters to see which games garner larger audiences and which ones bring in new viewers vs. regulars.

And I fully believe that using a facecam will help boost these numbers. More on that later.

The community: I acknowledge that I am by no means a big time streamer. And I also acknowledge that there are a crapton of streamers out there that no one else knows either. I like finding those people, and if I enjoy their streams, I try to support them as well. I also study and observe a variety of streamers who use a facecam and who do not use a facecam. I try to learn what works for them and what doesn’t. I make notes starting from the title of the stream being used to how they interact with chat to whether or not a facecam is even beneficial for them. Of course, some streamers don’t need any help at all when it comes to marketing themselves because they’ve already made such a name for their brand(s), they can just hit “broadcast” and they get a large audience. But for the smaller names, I pay extra attention to both their successes and their downfalls.

One note that is repeatedly jotted down is that female streamers will definitely benefit more by using a facecam.

How I stream: I think two of the reasons why people enjoy my stream are because I interact with the chat and I am a bit of a theatrical personality. I will occasionally acknowledge the chat at the expense of the progress I’ve made in a game. It makes for funny moments, and I would rather have those than ignore the people who ask questions or want to have conversations. I also get scared and enraged easily. Horror games are the worst for me and the best for my viewers.

When I first started streaming regularly on Twitch, I immediately decided on no facecam. It added a level of stress and paranoia that I did not want to deal with, especially since I wanted to learn about the culture of streaming first. It takes a lot of energy to focus on the game, focus on the chat, AND be entertaining for the chat. Worrying about a facecam was just a different level of multi-tasking I did not want to tackle out of the gate.

In case a reader may not understand this concept, everything I write and will write is my opinion only and my opinion is based off of what I have experienced and/or learned from what other streamers have experienced.

Now that the disclaimer is out of the way…

These are the reasons why I don’t currently use a face cam:

  1. I’m not great at make up
  2. I hate having to worry about what to wear
  3. I hate having to make sure that camera angles are “just right” and “the most flattering”
  4. I do not want to deal with comments about what I look like
  5. I do not want to be compared to other streamers as far as physical appearance
  6. Honestly, it’s pretty funny when people ask me if I’m a boy or a girl. I call those people Professor Oak. The feature image makes sense now, doesn’t it?

These may seem like very trivial things, but let me break this down for you. Female streamers already get a bad rep because a lot of people seem to focus on the negativity of “cam girls”. There is already a stigma attached to female streamers regardless of the type of streamer they really are. The type of streamers people complain about are the women who wear the lowest cut shirts showing off their best and biggest physical assets, stream gameplay that is previously recorded and focus on everything else besides streaming a video game.  That is what I and many other female streamers are compared to off the bat.

In my Dark Souls 3 stream, the one where I had about 66 viewers in the chat, one viewer started off with “you mean there’s a girl gamer out there that isn’t a whore? Awesome.” That’s not a compliment. And it was even worse when he started bringing all that negative stuff of the aforementioned type of streamer into the chat even after mods asked him to tone it down. The whole debate of cam girls existing is something that is currently plaguing the community, and the fact that I stream, means that I am now automatically part of that regardless of my intention to be or not be involved with it..

Do I care about cam girls? Nope. It’s not my thing. They do what they do, and I’m going to do what I do. If people don’t like them, then my advice is to not support them. There are tons of streamers out there. People don’t have to harass each other or bully each other to make a statement. Rather than tearing people down, just use that energy to support and encourage streamers you do like.

Do I care about being compared to them? In a way, yes. Again, I’m just here to play video games and talk to people. If people avoid my channel because they assume that I am a certain type of streamer and they bolt, that’s not really the type of audience I want anyway. I want people who like what I do and genuinely enjoy my streams. If people like my stream, I’m very happy they give me a follow. If they donate to my stream, again that’s something makes me happy. Everything else beyond that is stuff I don’t care to delve into.

What does make up and clothing have to do with anything? Thanks to societal standards, a woman isn’t allowed to just be herself and in her most natural state. Most people would rather pay attention to a woman when she’s completely dolled up and dressed in the most flattering attire possible. Sure, there’s a time and place for everything, but demanding that she must be in her most perfect form for every second of the day in order for her to gain any amount of positive attention? Fuck that. Not everyone thinks this way, but enough people do where it’s an issue that should be addressed.

Can I wear make up? Yes. Do I enjoy it? Sometimes. I want to “look nice” for ME. I don’t want the reason for me looking nice to be making other people happy. I can’t tell you how many times people have commented on my appearance over the years. But I can tell you that not all of those comments were made to uplift my spirits. Some were made with the direct intention of crushing me into the ground. With the veil of anonymity on the internet, it’s that much easier for people to be cruel and mean to others. I’m a stronger person now than I was years ago, but I prefer not to deal with extra layers of stress when I just want to focus on video games. Being called an ugly bitch because I don’t wear red lipstick or wear brand name clothing isn’t grounds for a healthy conversation. Luckily, these are conversations I can now control and if I don’t want to have them, I don’t need to anymore.

Will you ever consider using a facecam? Yes. I’m actually thinking of doing a stream with a facecam when I hit 1000 followers on Twitch. Since being cam-less is the norm for  me, I figure I would do something out of the ordinary when I hit a milestone. I would also consider using a facecam when I have special guests on the stream as well. I’m not 100% against the use of a facecam. I just know that right now, I am trying to figure out who I am as a streamer, and I’m discovering what works for me and what doesn’t. I don’t want to use a facecam because it’s labeled as a requirement. Like makeup, I want to do it for me and when I feel comfortable with it. It is entirely possible that I will use a facecam on a full time basis in the future. If that happens, it will be on my terms, no one else’s.

That being said, there are many streamers out there who I enjoy watching. Doesn’t matter if the streamer is a man or a woman and it doesn’t matter to me if they use a facecam or not. If they are entertaining to me, I follow them. I know what I like and I do what I can to support them and their channels. I encourage you to do the same. Find something you like? Support it. Find something you don’t like? Walk away from it.  That’s what community building is all about, is it not?

To the GFR Guild: thanks for being here. I am a lucky lady to have such a very awesome community. ❤

Shameless plugs!

https://twitch.tv/geekyfriedrice

https://youtube.com/geekyfriedrice

https://patreon.com/geekyfriedrice